:)

I always thought this was really cute.

"Years go by will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand"

sick!

i've been sick with symptoms of strep throat for 4 days.
and this has been my anthem.

blast from the past

a blast from the past... for andrea

Well. A song very very special to me.

And she never does this thing on piano only.



And I"m down to
Your last cigarette and
this "We are one" crap
as you're invading
This thing you call
Love - she smiles
way too much but
I'm glad you're
on my side, sure
I'm glad you're on
my side still

so then love walked up to like
said i know that you don't like me much
let's go for a ride
this ocean is wrapped around that pineapple tree
and is your place in heaven
worth giving up these kisses
these, yes, these kisses

ME AND KITTY!

I love this little guy so much.

i love her.

First statement. I am not deserving of so much I have.

Second statement. I think today something hit me and said, "hey josh, you reflect to much upon the inner being. Why don't you look at the concept of the whole and the world you deal with"?
Perhaps, Maybe I can now teach myself how to become one with humanity.

I had another bad dream and I am not calling it a nightmare I guess because I consider nightmares to consist of things that cannot be reality bad dreams have all the characteristics of something that could happen in reality.
It has been a really really long time since I dreamed such scary things, years in fact. And jeez am I just frightened.

I am such a pussy. I woke up this morning after a sad dream and cried for about 30 minutes.

Eva Cassidy is weighing on my mind and this is bring me to tears and breaking my heart.

She had been diagnosed with melanoma in July of 1996. Cassidy's health rapidly deteriorated, and her final performance was in September 1996, when, after using a walker to reach the stage, she sang "What a Wonderful World" in front of an audience of friends.

Eva Cassidy died on November 2, 1996, at the age of 33.



I love you still Eva

one of the most beautiful songs. Vincent - Don Mclean





flaming flowers that brightly blaze

swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in
Vincent's eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue
morning fields of amber grain

weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist's
loving hand.

I've never told anyone this..
But if I could start over and be someone else, I would really like to be a cowboy.
Sometimes I get lost in that idea.
Who knows maybe I can still be one.

Someone who continuously misrepresented Christian faith has died today, Jerry Falwell.

Raise a glass
Make a toast in your honor
I hear you laugh and beg me not to dance
'cause on your right standing by
is Mr.Bojangles
with a toast he's telling me it's time
To let you go Let you go

camping really sucks

I am not going camping again unless someone else is setting that tent up and taking it down and it's a little bit warmer.
I can't deal.

unison

Born stubborn me
Will always be
Before you count
One two three
I will have grown my own private branch
Of this tree

You gardener
You discipliner
Domestically
I can obey all of your rules
And still be, me

I never thought I would compromise

love puts on a new face

You said "I wish you were with me here
The leaves are electric
They burn on the river bank
Countless heatless flames"
I said "Send me some pictures then
And I'll paint pyrotechnic
Explosions of your autumn till we meet again"

reef around me

Just got done talking to my mom, and there is such a lack of communication between any of my family members and I. And I just spent 2 hours trying to give her insight into who I am as a person at this moment in time and how I view myself and why I operate.
I am striving so hard at this point in my life to get people to really understand me and sometimes I try a bit too hard and give others sensory overload. So I'm sorry if I feed too much to anyone. One day I aspire transparency in a bit more effortless fashion.

"When you dig down deep
You lose good sleep
And it makes you
Heavy company" - Lesson In Survival, Joni Mitchell


and also I am about to ditch for awhile, a bit (or a lot) of my over-analytical tendencies and tell myself instinct is why I or people behave a certain way to save myself from tons of emotional baggage.

Ha. Earlier today on my way home I was thinking something that never crosses my mind.
If scientific evidence wants to pile itself up and point against the idea of a supreme creator will there be any religious people (speaking of those in the Christ following genre) in years to come.
I do most of the time keep great faith in the idea of a creator.
And today I let my mind wonder.

But the odd thing is I come home and look on yahoo news a headline says, "Physicist claims to have scientific proof of God" which I thought was a very nifty spin on what I was thinking.
The interview does not back up the idea very much but I'm sure out there on the net is an explanation of what this guy does. But what makes the light go off in my mind is the oddness and intertwining of my thoughts and what I read on yahoo.

Little things mean the world to me.

I was thinking today that as secure I was in the past about it
I am so desperate for love.
I am totally beating myself up and need someone to hug me and love me, of course someone I can love back not just any dumpster diver slut I meet on the street. But I am about at the point to put everything I have aside for a different life. One not about me. Sounds very nice.

I could be retarded but I'm going to see if this feeling sticks with me, it is almost never there.

programmable soda

'cause I've come
I've come to accept that
For lovelies you are a fanatic
But I can't
I can't let that throw me
Into a genital p-p-panic

Yes

Yes Rebecca, good video.

And I think it's my favorite Bob Dylan song too.

And Dylan is such an awesome guy too, in his photos he seems so self assured.
Maybe I'm wrong in thinking that but I'd like to be more like him.

I LOVE THIS

so i cut my hair cut and now i look like hilary swank in boys don't cry.
i might just cut my hair more and go for the powder look all over again.

ahhhhh what am i to do.